In those between moments- those seconds that tick by while you are watching, and you stand there, still and silent- I begin to wonder. Life, or at least, what I am living, surrounds me and I am buried deep beneath everything I know. It is warm there and quite, but I am afraid of the dark.
I claw at what I do not know, dragging it towards me in savage desperation, knowing full well that the moment the questions come I will lose everything.
The precipice is nigh and I walk along the edge, the main character in this balancing act.
See my mask? I am only one of many, and they surround me in a sea of color. Each is their own, but they are all the same. We are the many, with hidden faces, chained behind the paint and smiles. A face is only a face. Peel me away and I will be there. I will lie in wait for you to find me.
See my mask? It is my own, and I give it to no one. Among the few, I am one. Lost within the crowed. Lost. Running from the answer that gazes at me with chilling eyes.
How can you judge a reflection?
Then there a mother and child. I see them and I see myself looking back. I am the mother and the child, the giver of my own life. I will create myself in my image, the artist with no brush,with the mold of flesh and bone I am a piece of a greater whole which threatens to envelope me.
“Courage,” they say. “Individuality.” What is so unique in being an individual? I am myself, no more, no less. And I am strong as I am me. And I am as weak as I am strong.
Far below me, the river is flowing long into forever, the water bubbling up in pale blue, twisting in on its self until I see nothing, and am nothing.
In those between moments- those years which face you with smile and shadow, revealing all and yet nothing- I begin to wander. Towards the cliff’s face and towards the frothy waters, towards the family and still so far, far away.
This is my eternity, one and all. Listen to my scream.
For I am. And that is all there is to know.